Tuesday, February 07, 2006


29g---Journal entry for January 22, 2003


And it's funny what they say about the gay person, too, ya know. Like he sits there and he listens through the wall to her business and then he starts telling people what he perceives to be her business. And it's funny, anybody with any self-respect would not listen to somebody else's business to begin with.

So, from the beginning, somebody is acting like a sub-human...toward another person. Somebody is actually listening to somebody elses' private business...and really behaving like a jerk-off, you know what I mean.

So, it's like, a person should be embarrassed to admit that they listen to somebody elses' business. It's bad enough to do it but to actually admit it and walk around and talk to other people about it. And then, those other people jump right in on it.

And it's like all of you are just like...I don't know, it's weird, it's like... it's like a bunch of alcoholics that all go out and buy a bunch of beer and throw up all over each other and trip all over each other and run people over in their cars. But they all get along good with each other, ya know what I mean? That's what it all looks like to me. It's like all these crazy people doing crazy, shameful things with each other and then acting like their all right because they got enough people in on it that are exactly like them.

And they sit there and they call the sane person "crazy". And they're crazy--they're nuts. They're out of their fucking minds.

Anybody who would play tapes over and over again is insane. That's an insane person. That's a person who should be in a mental institution--or a prison! Because that's a crazy person. But that person wouldn't do good in prison because he'd be in there with people who do stuff which actually requires a certain amount of courage. So he'd be this little, like this little coward that's in there for doing this really...

I can't even...I can't even...I still can't even believe that...I can't believe...

I just can't believe it. I can't believe that people are out there in the world trying to better their lives, trying to get along... They're trying to get along better with their families. They do all this work and then they get these stupid jerk-offs ruining their lives.

And it's funny, if a person like that goes crazy--they're gonna hurt people. Trust me, they are. Trust me that person will hurt people. They're not going to go crazy like...they're not going to run out in the street and scream "Oh my God!" They're not goin to do that.

This person's goin to be so mad that you have thrown their rhythm off, like that, you just don't know.

I mean Hitler didn't get into Art School. Hitler did not get into Art School. If they would have let him into Art School...what would have happened? Maybe there would have been no Auschwitz. But they wouldn't let him into Art School so this is the kind of situation you're talking about.


29f---Journal entry for January 22, 2003


And I am gonna learn a new trick. I am definitely gonna learn a new trick because if somebody's gonna fuck me up I'm gonna make sure that I let people know how I feel about that. And it ain't gonna be in paintings and it ain't gonna be in music. And that's the way it goes.

So, you keep threatening people and after a while they threaten you back.

And where does it go from there? You just don't know, do ya? You just don't know where things are gonna go.

So, it's kind of puts everything into perspective. If you're living in the insane asylum and you're sane then you will appear to be the crazy one.

And that's what this is all about. It really is. This is about you getting a bunch of crazy, stupid people who have no direction or goals in their life whatsoever and they hear one person who sounds like their happy or whatever! Strong-- and it also happens to be a woman-- and man, they want to come down and show that person -- "Look man, you don't know what's goin on in the world. You don't know what my life is like, ya know."

And that's what they show you.

And it's funny, they always assume that if a person's doing well or feels good that that person hasn't been through it. And the weird part is they're wrong, ya know. A person can have all kinds of weird things happen to them but they can understand their life enough and be able to put things in order and be alright. Because they know how to think. They use their brain.

But, see, people who cannot stand to be alone, don't use their brain that much. When they feel bad they run out, talk about other people to other people and they feel warm and fuzzy inside. Because now they have someone to talk to. And they'll talk about anybody, ya know. They'll sit there and "Oh ya know her, she's this and that." And they forget how unhappy they felt until they're alone again.

So everytime they're alone and they feel insecure that's what they do. They run out and they talk about this one person. So they make one person into "it" and then have something to talk about. See, it's a way that they get close to other people. And that's basically what happens.

It's weird, it's like.... other people go to church, or other people form book clubs or...ya know, there's any number of things that people do to get together with other people and talk. But this is what they do here, see? They talk about the gay person. Ya know....

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