Monday, January 30, 2006


21b---Journal entry for September 4, 2002


She decided to give it a try. She'd call him. Would he believe this? Who knows but she'd feel him out and see if he could be trusted in any way.

She dialed and thought if he doesn't answer that will be it.

She got the machine and figured she'd leave a quick message, what the hell.

"Hi, this is Tinsel and I just called to..."

"Hello , how have you been?"

He was glad to hear from her, etc, he had received her last message and but was working alot and just hadn't had the time yet to get back...

"It's good to hear you--what's up? You left a message and said you had something important to tell me."

"Yes, I do but this isn't easy to say and I don't know if you'll believe it."

"Well, tell me and we'll see. Why wouldn't I believe it?"

"See, when all that happened back in Millbourne, there was more to the story--much more."

"Okay, when you moved out last year you mean?"

"Yes, did S. tell you about anything strange going on?"

He said---"No, not really, she left shortly after you left but that was because she got into that car accident. I told you --she hit a tree on her way home one night. I guess she was drunk. But she moved out in October--about a month after you left. She never even came to get her stuff--she hurt her back and sent someone--I guess her brother--to get some of her stuff out. We had to go in and get the furniture out. She left her bed, a couch--God, a whole shitload of stuff.

The place was a wreck too. And she hadn't been there for about a month when we came to clean up so that must be the way she kept the place the whole time she lived there. She left her apartment to go to work and expected to come home that night so that's the shape it was in and, trust me, the place was a total dump.

It smelled bad too--real bad. Anyhow, we spent the day there taking stuff out to leave for the trash collectors. And came back another day to clean. What a mess--clothes all over the place--her hamper apparently was anywhere on the floor. But , since she didn't have that much it wasn't that bad--just messy."

She said---"Well, it's a shame she didn't tell you the truth. There was alot of weird shit going on and I know she heard it but I guess she would have listened to me being gang-raped and murdered and just stayed silent."

He said---"Well, I don't know anything about that--I mean your relationship with her or lack thereof. She never mentioned a word about it to my father or my wife. But I do know she had a few nasty things to say about you during the time she lived there so I did know you didn't get along."



She said--"She was harrassing me the whole time I lived there--I told your dad all about it."

He said---"I knew nothing of it until you told me that last week before you left. No one told me--I guess they didn't realize it was that bad. Susan never talked to my father so he only knew what you told him and my wife never mentioned anything of that nature. I'm not even sure of that."

She said---"That's not what I wanted to talk to you about so it doesn't matter now anyway. I just wanted you to know that those Middle Easterners next door did some weird shit to me, she heard and did nothing and the Middle Eastern woman on the other side knew too and went along with it too. They're sneaky, prejudiced, anti-gay and what they did they should be in jail for."

He said---"Well, you know these Middle Easterners migrate here and they bring all their traditional values with them. They come here for the financial opportunities but they move into a place like Millbourne and proceed to bring all their families and friends here and before you know it it's their neighborhood. They take it over and think they have a right to force their tradititions on their neighbors."

She said---"Well I didn't know their traditions included hating women and running gay people out of town. Wish someone had warned me before I moved in because no one knows all this crap better than me now. But it's too late to help, you know what I mean. Anyhow, what they did was so weird that I'm afraid to say because it sounds so crazy, but people have to be warned or they're going to hurt alot of innocent people."

He said---"Well what exactly did they do? I mean it sounds like they really hurt you. did they physically attack you or something like that?"

She said---"No worse, much worse and I know that doesn't seem possible, but it's true."

He said---"They didn't rape you? Tell me they didn't do that?"

She said---"No. See, if I could tell you what they did, and knew for sure that you'd believe me, I'd tell you. But this is so weird and unheard of that unless you totally trusted me to be an honest, sane person there's a good chance you not only wouldn't believe me but you'd think I was crazy and I'm not willing to take that chance until I check you out."

He said---"You want to see if I'll believe you but unless you tell me what exactly they did how can I tell you I'll believe you?"

She said---"Well I'll have to tell you a little bit and see how you take it. I'm not sure how to word this...I mean if you saw a UFO and wanted to tell someone--who and how would you tell? And that's the problem. So, in order to tell you I'd have to know that you trusted my sanity and I think after knowing me, regardless of any disagreements we may have had, you should at least know I'm honest and sane. You do know that much don't you?"

He said---"Well sure I do but if you go to tell me something about UFO's then I'm going to have to consider more than your sanity or honesty."



She said---"Whoaa, hold on a moment. When I said UFO's I said that for example. Let's get that straightened out first of all. There were no UFO's. I only wanted you to know that what happened in Millbourne is as weird and farout as that, that's all. I mean if a sane person were to see an actual UFO, for instance, say, if you were to see a UFO, would you tell someone?

And if you were to tell anyone, who would that be? And, if you told that one person would they actually believe you? And see, if they don't, you not only have the original problem---How do I warn people--but now you have another problem. Someone who used to trust and respect your judgement now questions your sanity. So, instead of things getting better, they've gotten worse. See the problem?"

He said---"Well sure, but on my side of the question, I have to wonder if you're under other pressures at the time that might contribute to making your perception of the situation less than clear."

She said---"Okay, then that means that the whole point of having your trust and friendship is pointless in an emergency situation that demands trust."

He said---"Now, now... that's not true at all. I'm only saying that you have to take all the factors into consideration in that particular situation because those other factors can affect a person's perception of reality to a point that the person is no longer capable of making an accurate assessment of reality."

She said---"Oh that's just great! So now I know that, after years of knowing you' I have earned no respect whatsoever since you will never believe a word I say unless you yourself have experienced it."

He said---"No, I mean, it has to make sense or I'll want proof. That's only natural."

She said---"Yes, but, that means I am on the same level as any asshole in the street as far as your ability to trust beyond the call of duty. I could be anyone--knowing you for years , sharing insightful conversations etc. has given me no advantage over a complete stranger in a situation like this and that's a shame because that means that you don't trust people more for knowing them. So knowing you is not an asset--it's pointless and actually risky because I would trust you more for knowing you and take a chance opening up to you that I wouldn't take with a complete stranger. And my repayment would be that you would question me in the exact same way you would any idiot on the street."

He said---"Now wait a minute. Don't get this way. What I meant was that if there are mitigating circumstances they'd have to be taken into consideration. For example, I have a friend Billy, who asked a similar thing of me. He thought people were watching him and after him. He wanted me to come to his house and sit there with him and see what he meant. Now, I love him dearly. He's a great person--would give me the shirt off his back, etc. But. But. After spending one night there and seeing that the only thng out of the ordinary that seemed to happen that night was that Billy himself ingested huge quantities of crack cocaine and then proceeded to think people were in the bushes and hiding under his bed and every other dark place in and around his house--I concluded that it would be a waste of time to wait around any more and that Billy was paranoid due to his drug problem."

She said---"Great, now you're comparing trusting me to trusting a drug addict. Okay, forget it. I see that I've earned no respect and that's a shame because, had you come to me with some weird science fiction account, I'd actually believe in you that much that I'd think it could be true."

He said---"Well tell me and then I'll hear you out. But, I can't promise you, in all honesty, what I'll believe until I actually hear what you have to say."

She said---"And I can't tell this story and have you not trusting me. I won't tell until I know someone who believes in me is listening. So, they get to do whatever they want to people and get away with it. They have ruined my life for good and no one gives a fuck. So, I guess someday they'll be caught but til then my life is hard enough and I'm not putting myself through any more bullshit. If no one else gives a fuck why should I? I guess when it happens to other peoples' children they'll care. So til then, they can do whatever sick things they want. The hell with it. I'm through worrying about it and trying to do the right thing. It's only making my life harder and it's already way, way fucked up already."

He said---"Sorry but I can't promise you that."

She said---"Fine---gotta go. Bye."

That was the last time Tinsel talked to her old best friend. What a laugh that was. Anyhow, she'd at the point, lost all her faith in others. She now knew she was on her own.


21a---Journal entry for September 3, 2002


"I hate child-molesters" she screamed, well almost, kind of loudly.

Little did she know that her neighbors were running something as disgusting as a child porn ring, right next door.

It's weird the way they not only heard that but were offended by it. That's like someone saying they hate murderers and a murderer hearing it and being deeply offended as if this were a hate crime against them. And yet, that's pretty much the way they took it.

They were offended but also wanted to hurt her for having the opinion, as if she were a disobedient child or something.

Looking back she realized that she said it loud because she instinctively thought they'd be in agreement, if they were to hear.

But they felt as though it was an insult. She still couldn't quite believe that attitude. She didn't want to figure them out anymore.

She wanted to understand the good people--the ones who accomplish the great things in the world. She knew she had to understand the idiots as well just so she could see and recognize them to protect herself. But, it was work.

She used to watch Jerry Springer to force herself to deal with the presence of stupidity. That was funny and informative. Alot of the intelligent people just don't believe any of those people are real. They believe that Jerry uses actors with scripts. She knew that truth was stranger than fiction and not only believed it but thought Jerry had tried to keep it somewhat clean. There's only so much anyone can take.

But, there was no way Jerry could have prepared her for these neighbors of hers. She had gone to Catholic school for the first 9 years of her life and "love thy neighbor" was the basis of 2 of the 10 commandments. Her love was very detached but she certainly respected others' until they actually offended her is some way. She never threw the first punch.

She hadn't known them until they attacked her. Had she known how they were she would have known she was surrounded by enemies the whole time.

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