Tuesday, June 27, 2006
This really happened
This is what happened today.
Let me start by saying that before this hi-tech crime was perpetrated on me in 2000, in a neighborhood I had lived in peacefully and contentedly for 7 1/2 years, I minded my own business and looked at people for the normal amount of time and with a normal amount of interest which only increased when a beautiful woman came into view. The only men I noticed were those I recognized in some way or who were extremely different that you had to notice them.
Of course, with the gangstalking we all experience, we all learn to notice more.
I was walking looking for an ATM on my way to the library and it was raining lightly. A man walked towards me briskly enough that I had to look up to be sure we weren't ready to collide. We were in no way heading for any collision and I noticed his face because I do look now to see if these men are perps. I do this quickly without thinking now. If they are looking at me normal without expression I look elsewhere myself.
If, on the other hand, I see some type of look of recognition along with a smirk or a quick look away (that looks like a guilty look) or a look of pride in their power to fuck up a woman's face--then I know they are one of the jerk-off perps.
This guy had another look. A look of quick anger as he passed me. I got angry as I realized that THAT particular look was actually about me being GAY. I look gay so it was that. He wasn't a hi-tech perp. He was someone of the male sex who thinks he has a right to be angry at me for being gay.
I got angry thinking of 'what fucking nerve' to look at a complete stranger and because I am gay to think he has a RIGHT to become angry at me. I stopped and watched him go to the building on my right. As he approached there were 3 men at the entrance but it was still easy for him to enter the building without walking around anyone or even bothering to look at them. I was angry and curious to see if he would act angry and aggressive towards 'other men' or if he would just walk peacefully past them.
What happened next was just too fucking much.
The 3 men incidently were normal except the 1 male to the extreme left of him was obviously gay and kind of cute and well-built black male.
Have you guessed?
The same guy who gave me a pissed-off look that had to be about me being gay walked past these guys and gave them all a look of open respectfullness and once he passed them he turned and gave the gay male an appreciative up-and-down look that landed right around the crotch area.
I almost fell over.
I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or kick the shit out of him for being such a latent jerk-off and aiming even one tiny little look of hate towards me.
I laughed out loud, turned and crossed the street. On the other side I saw a guy who looked sweet and gentle and walked up to him and told him this story. I had to tell someone. He laughed too and said some people are just so stupid. He shook his head laughing and I thanked him for listening and walked on.
So, just like I know the guys who went after me are all latent homosexuals and that when they hate a gay it always just happens to be a woman so I saw that same dynamic played out for me in this scenario.
Incidently, when he looked respectfully at those men it was a vulnerable look. When he looked at me it was like I killed someone and deserved to die. And, of course, when he looked at the handsome gay man he looked at him sexually.