Tuesday, February 07, 2006
29f---Journal entry for January 22, 2003
And I am gonna learn a new trick. I am definitely gonna learn a new trick because if somebody's gonna fuck me up I'm gonna make sure that I let people know how I feel about that. And it ain't gonna be in paintings and it ain't gonna be in music. And that's the way it goes.
So, you keep threatening people and after a while they threaten you back.
And where does it go from there? You just don't know, do ya? You just don't know where things are gonna go.
So, it's kind of puts everything into perspective. If you're living in the insane asylum and you're sane then you will appear to be the crazy one.
And that's what this is all about. It really is. This is about you getting a bunch of crazy, stupid people who have no direction or goals in their life whatsoever and they hear one person who sounds like their happy or whatever! Strong-- and it also happens to be a woman-- and man, they want to come down and show that person -- "Look man, you don't know what's goin on in the world. You don't know what my life is like, ya know."
And that's what they show you.
And it's funny, they always assume that if a person's doing well or feels good that that person hasn't been through it. And the weird part is they're wrong, ya know. A person can have all kinds of weird things happen to them but they can understand their life enough and be able to put things in order and be alright. Because they know how to think. They use their brain.
But, see, people who cannot stand to be alone, don't use their brain that much. When they feel bad they run out, talk about other people to other people and they feel warm and fuzzy inside. Because now they have someone to talk to. And they'll talk about anybody, ya know. They'll sit there and "Oh ya know her, she's this and that." And they forget how unhappy they felt until they're alone again.
So everytime they're alone and they feel insecure that's what they do. They run out and they talk about this one person. So they make one person into "it" and then have something to talk about. See, it's a way that they get close to other people. And that's basically what happens.
It's weird, it's like.... other people go to church, or other people form book clubs or...ya know, there's any number of things that people do to get together with other people and talk. But this is what they do here, see? They talk about the gay person. Ya know....