Thursday, February 02, 2006
27.---Journal entry for January 8, 2003
They played tapes again this morning. Over a year has passed since the second hate campaign was launched. Yes, there actually was another one. She believed it was financed by Sampath P. and Kodandaram P. See, if the same thing happens twice to a person, who had no proof the first time, you could easily think that both were figments of her imagination.
This morning the tapes woke her up. She was sleeping in the living room all week and first woke up and heard a man's voice saying "Police". He must have knocked first and that's what woke her up. She heard nothing after that and fell back asleep. Later one of these asshole tapes was up loud. She still was able to fall back asleep.
Why did they do that? She figured they must of been trying to get her pissed so that she started saying something so that they could call the cops and say "see, she's in there alone and talking to herself." This was her ongoing drama--homophobes trying to make her life miserable and ruin her reputation in the process.
She wasn't biting this morning. She no longer believed there was a single fair-minded person in either of the houses next door. There probably never was. Now she would just stay here as long as she wanted and ignore them. Their karma was coming. She had no reason to communicate with any of them anymore.
There's no point in talking to the Middle Easterners either. But they wouldn't go away.
So, she lived in pain every day, went to work, paid her bills and kept hoping this would stop. They felt a sense of power when they hurt other people. She didn't understand it and never would.
She spent her life trying to improve herself in every way---physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually and here she was fighting the battle of her life and the enemy was ignorance. She knew God never gave her more than she could handle and so she was handling it---for over 2 years now. She was hoping this would soon be ending.
She kept trying to get word out at the risk of sounding insane. Did anyone believe her? She didn't think so. But the idea of this was definitely out and maybe in time people would be able to imagine that it was possible. That's all she could think at this point.
The counsellor was speaking about codependency, addiction and different ways to become stronger in sobriety. During the talk she noticed a woman with shorter than shoulder-length hair glance her way. It wasn't a sexual look. More of a curious look.
Later, Tinsel was eating lunch and the woman sat near her and they chatted a bit. During the conversation Lois told her why she was there.
"I hear voices" she said. Tinsel was unsure of what to say.
"What do the voices say?" she asked.
"Alot of things and they never really shut up" Lois said.
"When did you start hearing them?" Tinsel asked.
"A few months ago...and I know them. I know these guys. I used to sing in a club and these guys used to come around and that's who I'm hearing."
Tinsel really didn't know what to say. She sounded crazy. Was she a schizophrenic? This couldn't be true could it?
"They won't leave and I don't know why they're doing this to me."
Tinsel felt bad for her and didn't think she looked either crazy or dangerous. Was she hearing things or did those people put this technology on her?
She wished she had tried to find out but she was so new at this then. She hoped that woman was alright now. And if she was not crazy but was really hearing those jerk-offs--she hoped they finally left her alone.