Friday, January 20, 2006
8.---Journal entries for October 8th, 2001
The president sent out airstikes to Afganistan on Saturday night, targeting the terrorists training camps and the Taliban's too. So everyone (not really-85%) is glad of that. Finally some action and we've been smarting since September 11th. Now we are afraid of more terrorist attacks but the military is still on it so that will be the battle--back and forth. We hope to avert disaster at home. they caution us to remain hypervigilant. I know I am.
But, at work, this is viewed as paranoia. Strange, we could have death camps next door to us and still we'd tell people they're paranoid to be suspicious.
Meanwhile this private party continues and I tire of it. Many see the changes but few could begin to believe this even if they read it in the New York times. So I write the book and I will need help as I am not a writer.
(this is historical background and the rest is continuance of the story that has already been in progress since Feb. 2000 or earlier--The crime of EMF torture)
(2.) - The beginning of the crime in February 2000
She heard them playing the tapes--it was loud enough and yet not too loud. In fact, at first she thought they were saying the same things over and over again--"Tinsel is a lesbian, Tinsel is a lesbian, really, she is, seriously, she really is...etc." She blocked it out during the day with music, TV and before bed--with earphones.
But she heard the steady drone whenever she lay in bed at night to sleep--even into the wee hours.
And then in the morning they either spoke loudly outside her window--about her--or she awoke to the tapes low and clear, over and over--"Tinsel is a lesbian, really, seriously".
Writing this twice is wearisome, tedious and yet this is what she had to listen to for about 4 months or so. They were persistant and apparently trying to drive her insane. She marveled at the kind of mentality that could plan and execute such stupidity over long periods of time.
She herself had trouble holdings thoughts let alone sticking to a pointless goal. In fact, it was this "living in the moment" mentality of hers that actually allowed her to forget them for most of the time. In the beginning, unfortunately, her own goals were finally dispersed amidst the dawning realization that this was not only not going to go away, but was actually getting worse.
She made various trips to the police station. (give many accounts)
Kodaram had his ear to the wall--
"I can't talk--they're listening--He's probably got his ear against the wall right now".
He dropped the glass he had in his other hand with a crash! She knows!!!!
And he laughed wickedly as he thought of how long he'd been preparing this campaign against her. Indeed, it was the week after she moved in that he knew for sure that she'd be the one.
But, in truth, he'd have put the screws to her anyway since she was the only one he could get to.
The neighborhood was Mildew. He moved there within months of arriving in Delaware County. He'd lived in America but his dark hair and eyes and small stature along with an ever-so-slight brownish caste to his skin belied his Middle Eastern origin. When he first moved to Mildew it was the small Middle Eastern population that attracted him. But, in less than 10 years, there were 4X that number. In fact, it was now considered the densest enclave in the Delaware County area.
he came there for more than the community feeling that most most Middle Easterners were drawn to. He was a very unhappy man. His unhappiness had grown and grown but his understanding of its' source was never investigated by him. While the rest of America worked on learning to understand other cultures and overcome prejudice, this man carefully cultivated his hatred. It grew wild and became thick as a pumpkin patch.
While intelligent, conscientious people worked hard to achieve the desired melting pot that America has been striving for years to become, he was allowing every dark emotion free reign. Every resentment was treated like a wound he alone had to endure. Life was unfair. He was not the King and he'd vowed to even the score.
Meanwhile, next door, a new neighbor had moved in--a recovering alcoholic, lesbian, artist/musician. At last! He now had a scapegoat to aim all his venom at--and she was sensitive. He smelled blood and smiled. Yes, he was a vegetarian but this was a primal scent that made his mouth water.
He fancied himself an inventor, among other things. He took other peoples' ideas and prided himself on changing the use from good to evil. He was like the boy in the bubble--unhealthy and unable to thrive around the normal conditions that others lived in each day.
But he decided that htis was not because of his health problems but because he was better--superior to other dirty human beings. He took his weak points and using self-delusion turned every insecurity and failure at self-control into proof that he was, in fact, stornger and harder than the rest.
No one but he could explain how it worked but the outcome of all his rationalizations was that agner, hatred, envy and murder were the true state of REAL MEN. This masked (in his mind) his impotence and conferred upon him an abstract virility that (again, in his mind) was superior to the actual thing.
Did his wife agree? Well, she doubled her weight in 2 years so I'll let you do the math.
Anyhow, something happened tha would forever change his life.
Sampath smiled evilly recalling when he had first read the Newsweek article. A scientist somewhere had found a way to insert a camera into an animal. Behind the lenses and all without any actual surgery. A simple insertion of electro-magnetic energy aimed at it and held in place by opposing energy fields. It stuck to the animal no matter how fast he ran or how far. Whether indoors or out it stayed in place like a heat-seeking missile and, once in, never left as long as the original environment of energy was left intact.
In the article he got little info on the hows-so he pursued it further. He had little interest in animals and there view of the world however. He had an evil epiphany that day. He saw people he hated being invaded--having no privacy. He saw his chance for revenge and, unfortunately, he hated everybody who wasn't him or exactly like him.
His primary targets of hatred were women. During an age where the basics of psychology are understood by high schoolers, he managed to ignore his own as if he were in a coma for the whole cultural revolutionb of the last 200 years. Like some recluse from feudal times taking in our world, he was not exactly what you'd call a man of the world.
It never occurred to him, for instance, that hating women was HIS problem.
He also hated white people.
He hated white people, women and most of all homosexuals. But, if they were good-looking and strong this was a personal affront to him. Of course he defended his hatred to himself as all people rationalize their worse mistakes in life.
He was a brown man and ugly. So, there you go, a white woman who is attractive is...is what? See--you can't make sense of it just yet. So far, he's a racist and a misogynist. That still doesn't explain it all well enough. The looks fuck it up because most men are attracted to good-looking women. The only ones immune to them are, well, men who prefer men.
So, here was a racist, misogynistic man who had a peculiar dislike for certain races-white, sexes-women and also--Bingo!!! Gays.
See the hating of homosexuals is the give-a-way. If a gay woman takes your woman, there's a motive for revenge. But, if the gay woman has never done a thng to you, your woman, your family--then why would you hate her?
Let's say she's had a few attractive women in her life. Is this a reason for hating her? Well, if you're too insecure to go after attractive women yourself you may indeed be jealous.
But something's still not right here. She's attractive. You're not. So does this mean she's the competition--your rival? And if so, you ruin her looks, throw acid in her face? Why so much hatred? Were you in love with a woman she had?
If so, why wouldn't you just get one of your own? No--it's not the woman thing because if you put all your energy into torturing a woman for revenge, your hate is greater than your love. So, the motive isn't enough to explain the crime.
There's more venom. Where's it coming from?
She's white, gay and looks good, is talented and not ashamed to be gay. And you don't like this--so you hate women--as demonstrated by this vicious act. But you don't want her sexually etc. so you are jealous. You don't want her girlfriends--so you are jealous of her very being.
She pays a high price to live as an out gay woman--so evidently she loves women. You, on the other hand, a male--hate women enough to scapegoat someone who never personally hurt you in any way.
So--her intense love for women threatens you. Why?
Because you don't love women. So... you are gay. But, you are not willing to pay the price of being out--too heavy--so you play straight.
When you live a lie--build a life on a lie--whose your worse enemy? The honest one--the courageous one.
So, the secret reason for all gay-hatred is latent-homosexuality.