Friday, January 20, 2006
3.---Journal entries from June thru August 2001
Talked to S.--asking her about the meaning of the Crucifixion.
"Christ died for our sins--what does that mean?"
She says "Adam and Eve were in heaven--God says 'Listen to me and be happy'."
They decided to go for the apple instead--and that was Free Choice. But, since they disobeyed God (inner voice) they caused our downfall--cast out of heaven--Original Sin is not knowing God is there. The cure is finding Him (or your way back) and realizing this (life) is a gift (heaven).
The Crucifixion was about Jesus Christ (a human) living life in his manner--showing how a person, who fully believes in God, communicates with God and then even when God lets him die--He rises from the dead to show that nothing, even death, is as real as God.
So, dying for his belief in God was a gift powerful enough to keep a person strong and good despite earthly trials--the trials that often leave people feeling hopeless. But, by dying for his belief and faith in God, He showed a way to be Human and yet connected to God.
Purpose--God--Hope--Meaning--Love is being connected to Life. Sense of security comes from knowing God.
August 25, 2001
The worst thing you can do to another human being and you enjoy doing it. I don't understand and don't want to. It's evil--insane.
She now knows that she's at war--She only cares about preserving herself at all costs. Understanding is a luxury she can no longer afford. She ceases the attempts to understand and instead resolves to build up her own walls. There's no more belief in "the others" humanity. They relinquished that awhile ago.
So now she would be wise to do the same. Flush the toilet. She does and will until it goes away. No one gets in without the password and it's not "hate".
August 29, 2001
(another attempt to organize this into a book)
Girl in neighborhood 7 1/2 years is run out of it by terroristic neighbors. The bargain--leave town or we'll never let you live. She leaves--they stay and stalk her forever.
They "gaslight" her. It doesn't work--but she flees to her sister's and they threaten to kill her sister too through the same instrument of torture. She believes this is possible and, unfortunately, plays into their plan. So that, in the process of attempting to save her sister from this "fate", she does things that cause her to appear less than sane to her sister. So they achieve the "gaslighting" after all.
During this time she makes a trip back to Mildew. She knocks on their door as they have requested and they don't answer. She stomps off in frustration and sees the cop who tried to help her. They barely speak and she leaves.
After a bad ending at her sisters' she moves into a friends' place. Things continue on there--they still stalk her but she's less gullible now--also less caring about others. She no longer takes on the responsibility for saving others and this saves her. During this time she makes a second trip to Mildew. She sees the same cop (the beautiful blonde) again but she's on her way out so, instead of filing another complaint, she just never returns.
So they increase efforts to make her appear nuts--waking her up in the middle of the night, etc. until finally the constant bantering and manipulation of her emotions causes friction between her and her friend. She moves on to another friend and they are able to peacefully co-exist but she's quick to find an apartment--determined to get her life back together.
She moves to a new apartment. There they begin to physically assault her. So now they have pulled out their last weapon. Death Threats abound and they attempt to kill her repeatedly.
They deface her--fuck up her legs, arms, etc. and people notice but say nothing. She knows they are evil. She knew all along but now she knows that they know too--which means they aren't acting on wrong information, etc. They actually want to hurt an innocent.
She is able to bear up simply because she's very spiritually aware and knows God has His/Her reasons. She has faith that, though she may well be killed, God has some reason and this gives her the strength each day to stay on track.
She has a hard time of it though. She's beyond taking it personally at all. She's also beyond believing God's chosen her to stay in place until help arrives. She finally realizes she may actually end up living through one of the most hateful situations ever (perhaps worse than the Crucifixion itself--worse because it won't be meaningful to anyone as it won't be discovered). So, her plan to stay in place for the police has been wasted as the people who have witnessed the crime aren't doing their part and reporting it.
She keeps the faith though because she's always believed that God has a plan. she hopes she's doing what she's supposed to be doing regardless of the outcome.