Tuesday, January 31, 2006


24b---Journal entry for January 1, 2003


You could choose your victims too. You could rent out your propery to an attractive female and then watch her every move. This equipment was new and it was unknown to everyone and since it 's unknown a pervert can invade someone's privacy and not take any risk of getting caught. For now anyway.

When her neighbor put it on her he'd wanted to try it out to show people how they could drive undesirables out of the neighborhood without getting caught. He also figured he could drive her to commit suicide and therefore get rid of the victim and keep it a secret. He figured wrong. She was strong.

They destroyed her life but not her will to live. Her purposes and goals had been derailed but she was always spiritually directed and believed that if she was alive God had a plan and purpose for her. At first she didn't understand and wanted only to be free of this. She begged and pleaded. She prayed. They wouldn't stop. Slowly, she realized she had to get word out. Then this could be destroyed.

The very thought of this was too frightening to think about realistically. But, in the context of Science Fiction, it could be the kind of thing many people imagine without becoming too paranoid to function. It had to become an idea before it could be handled by anyone. And it had to be understood in practical terms as well. The money factor was very important. Her neighbors were selling illegal privacy-invading equipment that could be used by both sexual predators and sadistic torturers. There are plenty of perverts in the world who would pay to be able to peep on other people without getting caught. Her neighbors could make a fortune selling this equipment to them.

After she moved out in 2000 she realized that there had been a change in the neighborhood right at the time of the hate crime. There had been all these new cars in Millbourne all of a sudden. Very strange. Her landlords' son told her a year later that there were always cars and traffic going in and out of their apartment all night long. He wondered if they were selling drugs. She knew they weren't. They were selling this equipment.

(In hindsight, knowing it's a government sponsored EMF weapons program -- they were probably training people to use the equipment)

Since they were Middle Easterners and Millbourne was an enclave for them she, as an American.was an outsider and therefore the perfect person to use for their target. Her open-mindedness was her undoing. This happened a year before September 11th, 2001. People weren't afraid of Terrorism at that point. When they attacked her she filed a criminal complaint against them claiming they were terrorizing her in her own apartment. People didn't care much. The D.A. wouldn't approve the complaint.

A year later September 11th happened. Now everyone knew about Terrorism. They still didn't know about this. She still had to try to get word out. She had to rely on her intuition. There was no way to do this if she thought about it logically. But she prayed to her God to guide her and that's all she could do. She had faith that God would work through her and guide her to do the right things and say the right things. She no longer feared public ridicule or even being thought crazy. It was bad to lack credibility since warning people and getting word out depended on her being believed so she had to be careful. But, if she ended up appearing deluded or insane, she'd still be okay as long as she tried to do the best she could.



She no longer took any of it personal or grieved her loss of life. She realized at some point, that every horrible tragedy that mankind had perpetuated on other members of the human race have always been acts of madness--never with reason.

Mankind--an oxymoron perhaps.

She used to be particularly annoyed at the thought that a bunch of stupid, ignorant assholes were going to be the end of her after all her hard work. But, when she really thought about it, there had never been a life that was ended by a good intelligent person for good sound reasons. The Jews at Auschwitz weren't put to death by good, upstanding citizens for good reasons. No, they were destroyed by the largest vigilante group of the century. Their reasons can only be analyzed over and over again. Hatred is always the killer. And hatred is always the child of ignorance and resentment. The victim is always the scapegoat of the moment. The crime always exists in the minds of the madmen.

Nietsche talked about Resentiment. A type of rage that builds up over time in the hearts of people who feel left out, powerless and invisable in life. The herd. The people who feel life is unfair to some and a losing game. They feel like victims, helpless and unhappy. They search for someone to blame their misery on. When the have-nots search for the source of their pain they look outside. They look at the ones who seem to be doing better. They focus this blind, inarticulate rage on the ones who appear to have what they lack.

Intelligence, happiness, wealth, faith, hope are all objects of envy.

The person who seems happy, content seems to have stolen their own peace of mind. Why are they at peace? But since they can't articulate these questions they feel anger and frustration. They want to kill the happy, peaceful, contented one. They want to make him feel the same pain they feel. They want to avenge their unhappiness.

So they build extermination camps, bonfires, crosses, etc.

After the gassings, after the witch-hunts, after the crucifixions, they feel a sense of peace. It's a shame they did that but after all it was not just me--we all did it. I'm sorry, it was wrong and shameful. I'll never do it again. After the bodies are buried they all go home and feel grateful for their lives. After all, they are still alive.

The intelligent, happy, content, faithful ones are dead now. Too bad it took their death for me to feel alive, but I do now. So now I'm sorry and I'll try to remember to count my blessings and not kill people.

Unfortunately her book idea, using the book as a vehicle to warn people in the book and also to use discussing the book to warn people, was threatening to them.

They decided to thwart her in her attempts to write it. They couldn't stop her from talking about it though.

Nirvanas' "You're right" just played on the radio.

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