Tuesday, January 24, 2006


18---Journal entry for August 19, 2002


She listened to Johnny Cash on the radio. It was his 62nd Birthday. Sad music sounds happy when the person singing is proud of surviving. That's why the blues are so important to the people who love them.

Johnny's talking about Death Row now. "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth and now he's done with the truth."

And I'm going through it still, by the most cowardly pieces of crap on the planet. But, Johnny went through it. Not this, but he went through something.

Happy birthday John, happy birthday.

Wonder how Donna's doing. Afraid to find out.

Ron was supposed to call her if Donna got better but, knowing him, she'd never hear either way.

Meanwhile her ears were getting smaller each day and her face was aging from the lack of circulation. Did people notice? Yes, actually, but the people she saw frequently didn't care anymore. They were all sick of her hate crime and wished she had been murdered. They felt crazy when they noticed so they just stopped looking.

She was less fond of them now too.

Yes, it's true, being a victim does make a person alot less attractive. Less charming too. Oh well.

She decided the only way to warn people was to write a book.

But, would they ever believe this? She wondered. She needed a scientist. Someone who could figure out exactly how some of the shit they did could be explained.

There was also the problem about how to get the word out without just teaching every prejudiced moron a new trick.

A book would work since the idiots weren't big on reading.

How to tell it so that she'd tell it without having to be thought insane.

Science fiction--that would work--just write the whole book but give it a science fiction label. No. Just fiction.

That's what she'd have to do.



Tinsel needed to get the plot written. She typed it out at 9:30 at night. She figured she had less than a half-hour to do it before her neighbors would call the police.

Tinsel's Book Plot

1. Beginning

a) She moves into Millbourne, knows only her landlord.

b) Realizes after about a year that it's a mixed neighborhood and no one's very friendly.

c) Her new American neighbor moves in the second year and begins harassing her. It's not a big deal because Tinsel knows she's always drunk and just ignores it.

d) The sixth year the other neighbors very slowly begin to chime in. She's so caught up in her art and music that she barely notices it until the ...

e) Seventh year--from there on the harassment lasts 6 months in that neighborhood until she moves out of the hood.

(The beginning should be told from (e) the seventh year and the background added in flashbacks. The only way to keep the reader reading.)

2. Middle

a) The rescue--she runs to her relatives' house and is threatened "Get out of Millbourne or we'll keep doing it to you and your relatives too." She moves out--they DON'T STOP--they continue to threaten her and her loved ones.

b) They lie to her about so much while they totally mind-fuck her. She's praying for a miracle. Her relative loves her and keeps trying to nurse her back but she's not aware of what's happening. After months of this--less than 3--her sister gives up and that is the end of the rescue and the beginning of the next phase of this nightmare.

c) She runs to her friends and the same thing happens with them after awhile. They gloat as they destroy a lifetime of care. They get worse each passing day to make her look bad. It works. No one wants to help someone who never gets better. No one who never gets away from this can get better. But because of the sneakiness no one but her knows it hasn't ended.

d) She tries to tell--it gets her nowhere--she learns that people can hear you say your face is having pains and changing, and their response will be to reassure you that your imagining things and stare at your face like it's changing colors. For some strange reason people think it's less insulting to call you insane than admit your face is doing weird things.

e) She also learns that when those same people get their own feelings hurt or feel insulted you could turn purple, green and orange right in front of their eyes and they won't give a fuck.

f) Throughout this phase she tries various attempts to figure out how to upset their hold on her. Trips to the library to investigate any other mysterious happenings in Millbourne before she was attacked. Also trying different materials to see if they could possibly have any effect on the horrible field that allowed them to torture her.

(This must also focus on the particulars of the changing methods of torture--They waited til she had her new apartment before they began to actually physically torture her. They started with her face, neck and legs. Her beautiful runner's legs were turned into flabby, veined things. She continued to run but anyone who didn't actually see her do it may not believe it. Unfortunately, a few of the people she had trusted in her life were not in her corner and she wished she wished she had never had to find that out.)

Write the whole middle in terms of the physical torture and work in the rest in flashbacks.

3. End

a) She's no longer credible to anyone, good-looking or able to do her things that she used to love to do.

b) She learns that people are prejudiced underneath and don't care because it's more reality that isn't pretty and they never did want to know the truth. Tinsel didn't realize that everyone else was living this way. There were exceptions and she needed to find them...soon.

c) Strange occurrances happen more and more and it becomes quite clear that she will be rescued but she has to read the cues. She's sure the TRUTH will be revealed and she and she tries to do her part to make that possible.

d) All the times she went to the police, the FBI, talked to people begin to pay off--there is another break in another city--perhaps New York and the police pay her a visit and she is rescued.

e) She helps the police to spot this in others--shows them the way the physical changes look on people--they begin to investigate a bunch of strange events in the past few years before her hate crime.

f) She tries to reunite with family and friends. There's hope but they have fear, guilt and anger about the past. She's learned to worry about the world around her more than her personal relationships. It's no longer "depending on the kindness of strangers". Now she sees all her people as the good people who she can save from victimization. She wants to take care of them because that's why she is here. All the good people have to stand up and do something or the world is doomed.

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