Monday, January 23, 2006
15b---Journal entry for August 5, 2002
"She's a lesbian but she never has sex with anyone."
The first time she heard that she got upset. It was about 12 at night and she had just gotten done watching the news and was writing in her journal. He went on and on about 'Tinsel this' and 'Tinsel that'. She got up and left slamming the door behind her. A walk in the cool night air would calm her down.
She heard more of this from time to time but she just figured he was an asshole. That was around November-December sometime. Then, in January 2002, everything changed.
Late one night she woke up out of a sound sleep to a loud crash. A lot of hollering. It sounded bad. She stayed up long enough to be sure no one was being murdered and then fell back asleep. The next day she remembered only THAT--nothing specific. She figured someone had a little too much to drink - nothing more.
Two days later, she was also dragged out of dreamland. Oh no, this guys going to make a habit out of this. Everyone could hear it and I wouldn't be surprised if the next sound I heard was a Police siren.
Once again it was the guy downstairs.
He ran from the front of the house to right under my bedroom. More loud crashing around. Then loud as can be -- "She's just like her! Just like her!"
I didn't hear anyone else.
"She's a lesbian. Like her. Just like Tinsel!" He screamed at the top of his lungs.
He sounded upset, fucked up.
"She's just like her upstairs!"
I could imagine him pointing up at me--the bad lesbian lying awake in bed because of his big mouth. I laid there quietly, beginning to feel a surge of anger through the sleepiness.
But I was also afraid. I didn't feel safe anymore.
About a week later--another rude awakening. More crashing and banging in the middle of the night. Then what sounds like 2 or 3 people running into the room below my bedroom.
"...A whole year's rent PAID. I want her out! C'mon this'll work."
All of this said with loud enthusiastic arrogance. Then they ran out of the room. I rolled over to go back to sleep, wondering who he wanted out. Me? No good worrying about it though. We'll know the answer to that one soon enough. But it was impossible to ignore that gut feeling. My spider sense was tingling and I wasn't real optimistic about how this was going to go.
Then I learned something new. Stupidity is contagious. And, in some cases, incurable-even fatal.
Luckily, I had the kind of childhood which is as good as a vaccine against the most intense forms of stupidity. A drink was the only thing that could put me at risk and I had quit over 18 years ago.
But, like I told you before, it's contagious and it was all around me. Stupidity. Some of the people I thought were immune were the first to come down with it.
It starts out very slowly as a form of denial but changes from the innocence of fear-based blindness into the cold, uncaring SEE no evil, hear no evil, inhuman apathy that passes so easily for NORMAL.
How do you start a Hate campaign?
Get one psychopath to do weird sneaky things to someone. Let him tell the surrounding 'good' people that the victim is the perpetrator. And don't ever admit the real reason you hate the victim. Make up all kinds of horrible stories about them. Tell them anything but the truth.
If the people are 'good' they won't understand for a long time the true reason. By then it'll be too late. The harm will have been done because of all the slanderous things said about the victim every one will believe at least one bad thing. After all, where there's smoke there's fire, right?
Oh yes, the one thing that could mess it up would be a hero. A hero would know there's never a good reason to talk badly about someone without them being there to defend themselves. So, to avoid that kind of problem just make any known hero the victim.
There you have it. Now be ready to spend the rest of your life stalking the victim because any one you choose to victimize will be chosen for their victim-like qualities, which actually are not unlike some known heros. Christ, Martin Luther King, Robert Kennedy and John Kennedy all had this quality.
There's a certain vulnerability which is often taken for weakness and yet is bourne of courage. These people just never give up when pushed. They may scream out in pain but they are anything but weak. Just a warning for those infected with the stupidity virus.
Oh yes, keep the true reason or reasons a secret. But, if a hero happens along, don't be surprised if they guess. And, another thing, they will know your real reason because there is always only one reason. You may not know it yourself or agree when you hear it but it'll be true anyhow.
In case you haven't done the necessary self-investigation I'll let you in on it. Sit down. Try to get calm and relaxed. Ready? Here it goes - in one word. JEALOUSY.
The specifics of your particular case will differ, but jealousy is always the motivation. Unless there's an actual motive. But if it's a hate crime then your hate is an irrational one based on a prejudgement against a person who has done no actual harm to you. That means that you have DEMONIZED the person and it's not because of their skin color or their sexual preference, etc.
It's because of how YOU PERSONALLY feel about yourself when you think about that person.