Sunday, January 22, 2006
13.---Journal entry for June 30, 2002
This is the harassment part of the crime in the beginning.
What we know:
- Someone new moves in. They are very polite and quiet at first.
- Talking begins about one person. It begins slowly. "They seem kind of strange, don't they?"
- The talking becomes louder and more frequent.
- The "new guy" invites neighbors over to have conversations about the target and tapes those conversations.(whoever the conversations are about will be the target throughout).
- He now has gotten to know people in the neighborhood and sits outside talking loudly about the target but always in a way that suggests that he's either concerned about them (their sanity) and/or suggests that he's being harassed or victimized by them. He wants people to know that he fears the target is a person on the edge. He's worried that he and the other innocent neighbors may be in some danger. He tells people it's only a matter of time before "she loses it and goes off." He may even tell people He believes she has a gun.
- He begins playing tapes of conversations he's had with other people about her. (This is intended to make her feel that everyone is always talking about her. In actuality, he is actually implicating them--sort of blackmailing them so that they won't call the police when they hear him playing the tapes--since they're voices are on them.)
- He never says anything anti-gay but talks about her sex life. He says he doesn't have anything against gay people but he tells everyone that she never has sex and so she is not a real lesbian. (since she has had relationships but is not presently in a long-term permanent relationship he figures he can do this since she is not living with anyone.) He really says this for 2 reasons: 1--to let her know he is stalking her private life and 2--to make it look like she is an asshole loser so people will laugh instead of notice that he is attacking her for her sexual preference. (It's not because your gay it's because your not having enough sex for our voyeuristic pleasure. This, of course, is demeaning.)
- He wants to let the target know that they are being watched, stalked at an acute level and at the same time the people listening are so surprized to learn that people may be watching their own sexual activity that they are intimidated into silence fearing their own actions will be scrutinized if they try to defend the target. Or they will be so horrified at this social rape that they fear that defending the target will put their own privacy in jeapardy.
In other words: Those who are single and don't have an active sex life will fear ridicule themselves if they defend the target. Those who are single who are having sex will fear that THEIR privacy will be invaded next if they try to defend the target. So, by saying this everyone becomes afraid to point out the fact that he's socially raping her privacy and being an asshole. All civilized people fear the kind of person who has this type of probing mind.
Recurring Themes (Psychology of a South Philly Perp)
I. Flashbacks on rejections and feelings of being outside the group. (This perp is an orphan so there are real moments of rejection at an early age that are overwhelming and his solutions at those times are to lie impulsively and to make another child the outsider. Also he's not going to ever feel like a "good" person because he's alone. He hated being alone. Alone means no one loves him. So he only feels okay when other people are around.
BUT, at the same time he hates other people because they have parents. So he has a conflict -- he hates people. He's jealous of them. He's sure they have everything while he has nothing but pain. On the other hand, he needs them to escape the pain of being alone which in his case feels like being plunged into a loveless abyss where he is totally helpless. That pain is so intense. So, alone is scarey, painful and dangerous.
II. The Hitler theme comes up in a few ways. He gets rejected form either Acting school or Music School (as Hitler was rejected from admission into Art School). Probably it will have to be Acting because musicians don't need school but to act you have to able to get in with the "group" and because he's an outsider he won't have the confidence to get in even if he applies. He sabotages it or doesn't try hard enough to break in. His ambition is not able to push past his emotional insecurity.
The sad part is he is truly talented but once again the conflict that he feels on an emotional level is so personal and painful. Rejection to him is about him not being okay at the deepest level of his being. He sees that the other actors have some defense against rejection that he doesn't.
Flashbacks to auditions he went on with friends. When they both didn't get the part they'd laugh it off or feel bad for an hour--maybe even a day. But, for him, it was different. For him it was like a part of him died.
First he felt that overwhelming pain--like the 'alone' pain except it wouldn't go away with people. He'd feel utterly humiliated as if it proved he was nothing. He'd cry alone, then run to a friend for comfort and as he talked and they tried to comfort him he would feel that they were secretly thinking that he was a talentless loser and he'd fight with them--whoever the poor sucker was that particular night and end up storming out of their home in a rage feeling totally misunderstood and wanting to hurt someone.
And he felt like an overemotional asshole for having these feelings. Why didn't THEY get that upset. Why was he so uncool? And then all of his friends would seem different to him--like all of those kids when he was little. Snobby, spoiled little self-righteous kids. The happy people who always feel good and have their Moms and Dads cheering them on no matter what they did--whether they failed or succeeded. They always could depend on that love. While he always felt like he was losing--even when he won.
She can't believe this is happening again and yet it is. For over 2 years that's the thought that won't go away. She just can't believe this is happening again.
She realizes that there's a few missing puzzle pieces. Motive. She still doesn't know what the motive really is. There are a few possibilities she's considered.
Psychological motivations amount to her figuring out why someone is a murderer/torturer. There are all sorts of ways to go here but this is a different type of crime. Not only is it going on for a long period of time but there are 2 similar but separate crimes going on at the same time. How could 2 different people who don't know each other be attracted to commit the same long stupid torturous stalking on an innocent person?
This doesn't seem possible so what would explain this weird coincidence? Well it can't be a coincidence. So what is it? The same people are involved behind the scenes. One person teamed up with another in the first neighborhood. So one of those 2 people is connected to alot of others that are doing this to make money.
Sort of like some people profit from selling illegal pornography. If someone became an unknowing victim of such exploitation they might initially think there was some sort of personal reason like an ex-lover or some enemy out to get them. You would try to think, as a cop would, who wants to hurt this person? Who would have a motive?
But if the target has no real enemies that would have a reason to spend such a great deal of time and energy on revenge then why? Who?
Well money would have to be the true motive. And though there are people who do spend money on evil things, if it happens twice they must be using this particular crime to make money. One sadistic creep is possible but two is a business. Has to be.
(Now, in 2006, I realize that it's the government doing non-consensual weapons testing. For them it's possible to stalk you anywhere and forever if they choose to and this is exactly what they are doing to hundreds of people in the U.S. alone.)