Sunday, January 22, 2006


11.---Journal entry for November 17, 2001


His problem--not enough attention--so he forces people to listen. He feels powerless so he feels the need to compensate by having control over others. He doesn't believe people will like or respect him voluntarily--low self-esteem--so he hates people so they can't have a chance to hurt him.

And he hates everyone--so even the people he pays to help him--he enjoys the satisfaction of making them less human--their greed for money is his victory. He diminishes everyone who believes in him or pretends to go along with the victim.

He hates gay women. Primarily he hates women period. But, since gay people are easier to hurt--less protected--he knows he has a better chance of getting away with it.

That's his reason for choice of victim in practical terms. Psychologically, he himself is homosexual--latent possibly but not necessarily. He refuses to be gay consciously because his self-esteem is fragile. He is fragile--on the verge of disintegrating. So being a gay male would be the last straw. He actually can't handle it psychologically--can't.

So he is full of anger--rage--resentment and frustration at his inability to realize self-actualization. He'll never be able to be happy and proud because he can't handle the internal pressure he'd have to go through to be a complete person.

Hitler was part Jewish and denied it. He killed millions of Jews to prove he wasn't Them.

They fry gay people to keep their own homosexuality from surfacing.

If the controlling ego destroys the true self, what's left?

A shallow empty caricature of a human being.


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